Saltwater or Laffy?

Taffy is one of the only nicknames I have picked up over the years. (Well, besides "la bruja" (the witch) which my darling high-school students call me - but that’s another story.) Some of my siblings call me Taffy - I guess it originally stemmed from difficulty pronouncing a K.

Lately this nickname has taken on a new meaning for me.

I remember walking through the mall when I was younger - and always stopping to watch the taffy-pulling machine in the candy shop just outside of ZCMI. The taffy was stretched between two big metal bars and then when it was stretched as far as it would go, another metal arm would hit right in the middle and pull the taffy in another direction.

This week I feel like taffy - pulled painfully in too many different directions at the same time. Too many people with claim on my time and energy.

There’s a great line in The Fellowship of the Ring where Bilbo describes himself as "old":

I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart.
I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter, scraped over too much bread.
I need a holiday. A very long holiday.

Now, while I would never dream of describing myself as thin - physically - every day I feel a little thinner emotionally and mentally. It gets harder and harder to cope with unexpected crises when you are already at maximum stress load. You’re stretched as far as you can go and suddenly from out of nowhere a big metal bar comes flying in and streches you off in a different direction.

Scene opens on Taffy frantically multi-tasking; grading tests, cleaning her school room, counseling stressed-out kids, planning next week’s lessons, looking for lost CDs, etc.
Enter the first "metal bar" ...

Darling Students: "We can’t make it to the 4 hour AP practice test you are doing on Saturday morning, can you do it on Friday too?"
Taffy: "Sure!"

Sister Jones: "Can you teach the Young Women’s lesson on Sunday. Oh and you need to drop off 4-generation sheets to each of them to get filled out before Sunday."
Taffy: "Sure."

Neighbor: "Could you please do something with the knee-high field of dandelions that passes as your front yard. They keep blowing onto my perfectly manicured golf-green and contaminating it"
Taffy: "Sure." (I currently don’t even OWN a lawnmower, but I think I have a pair of garden clippers. I’ll see what I can do.)

Parent: "We want our child that has only come to class once in the last three weeks to get totally caught up this weekend. Can you re-teach him everything he needs to know?"
Taffy: "Sure?"

Principal: "Oh, by the way, did I tell you that you have to have a complete description of everything you teach all year in every class handed in by Monday?"
Taffy: "Aargh!"

Hey, wait a minute! I am Tangent Woman - this should be easy for me.
Oh, no! Someone must have discovered my Kryptonite.

I need a holiday. A very long holiday. :P

Un-obsessions

So, Julie tagged me with a meme - I think this is grossly unfair - I still have no clue what I am doing in the blogging world. This is like someone who is playing tag outside - running inside downstairs to the family room and tagging a crippled person who is minding their own business writing a paper for school who may have looked out the window once at someone playing tag and briefly thought "Oh, that looks like fun".

Oh, well, it achieved its purpose - it is forcing me to write another blog.

I am supposed to list 5 things I am obsessed with.
So, since I have never been one to do the normal, expected thing - I must rebel. You would think that if you are truly obsessed with something that it would merit more than a mere mention in a list of 5 - it would be worthy of its own blog entry or ten. So instead, I now present for your enjoyment...

5 things I wish I were obsessed with:

1. Paying my bills the minute they arrive in my little green mailbox.
I should want to send off my neat, tidy envelopes full of my hard-earned money right away - instead of letting them pile up on the counter and find dark corners to hide themselves in so that I have to go hunting for them when I suddenly realize that if I don’t pay my utility bill by 5:00 that day - I will pay a late fee or I will be cooking my next meal over a bonfire built in my tub. (Hey, at least I can use the paper from the bill as tinder.) I mean, it’s not like I am going to magically find an extra $100 sometime in the next 3 weeks that will make it any easier to pay the bills. I have no rich relatives that are going to die unexpectedly and leave me everything as their favorite living relative. (Darn! sometimes big families with siblings who are way more likeable than I am are a disadvantage.)

2. Reading the scriptures every day without fail.
I must admit that I have had this obsession off and on in my life - that feeling that the day is just not complete - something vital is missing if I haven’t read and thought about at least a few verses before I tuck myself into bed. I have let myself slide - justification is so easy when you are exhausted and have just crawled into bed and you realize your scriptures are still downstairs in your church bag and the cat is already snuggled up asleep across your legs...
The more you miss - the easier it is to miss the next time and soon - it doesn’t even cross your mind as a necessary part of the nighttime routine. Yeesh! - I need to work on this one.

3. Writing in my journal.
This is something I have always envied about Julie - she has shelves of old journals. I have these fabulous journals that span decades - with an entry or two each year - usually on New Year’s and my Birthday. Then I have several journals that only cover 6 month blocks of time with entries every day. I go back and read thoughts and experiences I had totally forgotten about. I ache for the lost moments and life lessons I have squandered - for lack of writing them down. No wonder I keep making the same dumb choices and mistakes in my life.

I apparently have a memory like a etch-a-sketch; one little shake of the head and I have to start all over. Since I am blond – you see the problem?

4. Eating healthy foods and Exercising:
Again - something I have been obsessed with off and on. Judging by my current waistline - much more off than on with this one.

And for the last little un-obsession, I don’t know how to narrow it down. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to take this tangent off in this particular direction. So many things I want to acquire an OCD with: cleaning my house, sending thank you notes, doing laundry, cleaning my house, getting the oil changed in my car, being more positive, planting a garden, cleaning my house, weeding the garden, getting papers graded right away, keeping a budget, etc. (Did I mention cleaning my house?) So to simplify -

5. Being practically perfect in every way. % :)

I am Tangent Woman

I believe that every person has a super hero persona inside of them just waiting for the chance to appear to save humanity from the Forces of Doom. So, after much intense soul searching, I have realized... (drum roll please) I am Tangent Woman. My super power is the ability to take any conversation and change it to a completely different topic while still connecting to the original conversation in some way. The way it works is the evil villain boasts about his plans to take over the world and by the time he is done talking to me - Well, let me show you ...

Scene opens on a dark city street - theme music by Danny Elfman playing in the background - Camera zooms in on a sinister figure in a black cloak standing by a large shiny metallic machine. Suddenly, Tangent Woman appears as if from nowhere. (She came from left field)

Tangent Woman: Dr. Weirdwire, did you really think you could escape from the asylum?
Dr Weirdwire: Hah! You’re too late Tangent Woman, using this laser beam gun I concocted from a Lego robot and thousands of sample CDs sent to me by AOL, I will destroy the satellites, take over control of all communications media and install myself as supreme world dictator.
Tangent Woman: So that would mean no more satellite TV? - People wouldn’t be able to watch their favorite shows on Tuesday night anymore - speaking of which - Did you catch that episode of American Idol last Tuesday?
Dr W: Uh, no. I was still glueing my laser beam device together.
TW: Really? - Can’t you do that while watching TV? - No, I guess that would be hard cause you might accidentally glue the wrong thing - like the time I glued my fingers together with superglue - Have you ever done that?
Dr W: Uh...
TW: See, I was making this large wooden badger for a science project and was trying to glue the whiskers on and my fingers got stuck to the sticks I was using for whiskers and then when I tried to get the sticks off my fingers - I got glue all over my hands and that’s why I really prefer crafts that don’t need glue - like crochet - What type of yarn do you prefer to crochet with?
Dr W: Yarn...crochet?
TW: Oh, I see you prefer knitting. Yeah, that’s a fun hobby too. But then it’s hard to know what to do with the projects when you are done - unless you make something you can give away to people like potholder or hats. My friend knits hats and gives them to the homeless shelters.
Dr W: Knit...?
TW: I know this great organization that takes knitted items to refugee camps in Bosnia - they take hats and sweaters and stuff - but for beginners they have a leper bandage pattern that anyone can make. Hey! - You could do that while you’re watching American Idol next Tuesday -then you can send the bandages off to Bosnia on Wednesday - Why don’t we go get you the pattern. OK?
Dr W: Pattern. Next Tuesday - Ok... Thanks?
TW: My pleasure.
World saved once again!

I don’t have a side kick - I have a "side track" :)
I often use my super powers while teaching to confuse and befuddle my students. Then while they are trying to figure out what happened - I can sneak back to my desk and fiddle on my computer for a few moments.
A number of times I have started designing a costume for myself - but somehow I always end up doing something else - Knitted bandages anyone?

The black hole of Blogdom

Good Grief!

What just happened?
I have just been flung unwittingly into the world of blogging.
I was merely trying to get an identity so I could stop lurking and post a comment on my brilliant sister's blog.
Then, after winding my way through the labyrinth of googledom, suddenly I find myself with a blog.
So what do I do with it?
It's like those hideous English tests in High School where you are handed a blank piece of paper and asked to write a literary masterpiece in 30 minutes or less. You stare in desperation at the blank page as if you could will the jumbled thoughts in your head to form themselves into coherent sentences and leap onto the page. Instead the process works in reverse and soon your mind is as empty as the page. Nothing but little brain cells sitting there mutely staring at each other.
It makes me all the more glad that now I am the teacher - not the student.
Maybe I can fill the void with profound, mind-altering thoughts - or maybe I could just rant and rave since I doubt anyone will ever read this. :)
I have a list of numbered "soap-box lectures" I occasionally inflict upon my students - maybe they can find a home here.
In any case - Hello Blog world! You have been warned.