I am Tangent Woman

I believe that every person has a super hero persona inside of them just waiting for the chance to appear to save humanity from the Forces of Doom. So, after much intense soul searching, I have realized... (drum roll please) I am Tangent Woman. My super power is the ability to take any conversation and change it to a completely different topic while still connecting to the original conversation in some way. The way it works is the evil villain boasts about his plans to take over the world and by the time he is done talking to me - Well, let me show you ...

Scene opens on a dark city street - theme music by Danny Elfman playing in the background - Camera zooms in on a sinister figure in a black cloak standing by a large shiny metallic machine. Suddenly, Tangent Woman appears as if from nowhere. (She came from left field)

Tangent Woman: Dr. Weirdwire, did you really think you could escape from the asylum?
Dr Weirdwire: Hah! You’re too late Tangent Woman, using this laser beam gun I concocted from a Lego robot and thousands of sample CDs sent to me by AOL, I will destroy the satellites, take over control of all communications media and install myself as supreme world dictator.
Tangent Woman: So that would mean no more satellite TV? - People wouldn’t be able to watch their favorite shows on Tuesday night anymore - speaking of which - Did you catch that episode of American Idol last Tuesday?
Dr W: Uh, no. I was still glueing my laser beam device together.
TW: Really? - Can’t you do that while watching TV? - No, I guess that would be hard cause you might accidentally glue the wrong thing - like the time I glued my fingers together with superglue - Have you ever done that?
Dr W: Uh...
TW: See, I was making this large wooden badger for a science project and was trying to glue the whiskers on and my fingers got stuck to the sticks I was using for whiskers and then when I tried to get the sticks off my fingers - I got glue all over my hands and that’s why I really prefer crafts that don’t need glue - like crochet - What type of yarn do you prefer to crochet with?
Dr W: Yarn...crochet?
TW: Oh, I see you prefer knitting. Yeah, that’s a fun hobby too. But then it’s hard to know what to do with the projects when you are done - unless you make something you can give away to people like potholder or hats. My friend knits hats and gives them to the homeless shelters.
Dr W: Knit...?
TW: I know this great organization that takes knitted items to refugee camps in Bosnia - they take hats and sweaters and stuff - but for beginners they have a leper bandage pattern that anyone can make. Hey! - You could do that while you’re watching American Idol next Tuesday -then you can send the bandages off to Bosnia on Wednesday - Why don’t we go get you the pattern. OK?
Dr W: Pattern. Next Tuesday - Ok... Thanks?
TW: My pleasure.
World saved once again!

I don’t have a side kick - I have a "side track" :)
I often use my super powers while teaching to confuse and befuddle my students. Then while they are trying to figure out what happened - I can sneak back to my desk and fiddle on my computer for a few moments.
A number of times I have started designing a costume for myself - but somehow I always end up doing something else - Knitted bandages anyone?